Crisis averted!

So, after being up until quarter to two in the morning, trying (but failing) at writing a 10 page religion research paper, i decided that it was time to get into my nice clean (just washed this evening) sweatpants and fuzzy socks! Now understand that this paper was trying to kill me all day! i printed over 100 pages of research, and have 6 different (large) commentaries checked out from the library, and im a missionary kid. How hard can it be to take 10 pages worth of material out of countless pages of research and stuff i got stored away somewhere in the missionary for future reference section of my brain, right??

WRONG!!

Apparently its pretty damn hard. I am at hour... ummm 8 9? maybe 10? of writing this paper and what do i have 5 and 1/2 measly pages!! Thats only half done! ahh! thank goodness its not due until Monday. but wait, theres more! I finally decided to actually make use of the student - help me write a paper for my class - center (also known at the rhetoric center - its for those of us who cant spell to save their lives...) yeah, my appointment with them is tomorrow... papers only half done but maybe they can guide me in a next step kind of direction, right??

*crosses fingers, and squeezes eyes shut tightly*

On a brighter not, i started watching this movie on hulu as background noise as i poured over papers of research hoping to find something useful - and big enough that my can read a things eyes could actually interpret - and its all about this girl and her wedding. Started out really funny, and then all of a sudden i flipped to the screen that the movie was on and went "HOLY CRAP!! THATS ME!!!" She was confused and being pulled in a bunch of different ways by different people and wanted everyone to shut up except for one person... there was just one person that she wanted to hear from, and that person was the one that wasn't saying anything.

I have totally had those moments! Where i'm looking at something for the wedding or the registry and he says yeah they are nice. I say but which do you like? and again, they are both nice. Sometimes i just want to scream! Pick one please! Have an opinion! I love him dearly but sometimes i cant take the whole whatever you want baby. So sometimes i want to scream at him to have an opinion... and sometimes i do...

which unfortunately usually leads to the exact opposite of what i was going for. i wanted a nice little discussion and it end with me yelling him getting upset and making some snappy comment back and then me leaving in tears. This scenario has played itself out far too many time - i wait to say anything until i just can hold it in any longer and then i blow up and then it all goes to pot...

So i'm sitting at my desk sulking about my unfinished paper, the opinions i wanted from Jeffrey about the registry tonight and our oh so many disagreements, arguments and other such things that this movie is showing me - telling me it happens to everyone and i should feel quite so horrible, but feeling a little bad about it is good - when i realize that i have to pee, which leads to changing into sweatpants, which leads to discovering that my feet are cold. So, naturally, i go digging through my laundry basket of clean laundry (that i failed to put away because of my epic failure on my paper) and i find my green and blue stripped fuzzy sock... and its still warm from the dryer! Score - now if i could just find the other one... and this is where the melt down begins... as i search and search my laundry basket for my other warm fuzzy sock i nearly burst into tears realizing that there are days that i wonder what the hell i have gotten myself into with this wedding!

and then i see it... my warm fuzzy sock on the floor next to the laundry basket... it was there all along, i just assumed it was wrapped up in all the other mess - but it wasn't. if i had just taken the time to step back and look around a little i would have noticed it was there... and then i wouldn't have been crying and a blubbering mess over a sock - granted some of it probably had to do with the severe lack of sleep and the unfinished paper looming over my head - but it helped put everything back into perspective. I have four more months to plan this wedding - i only have 2 and 1/2 more weeks of school, and work - well thats for the rest of my life - but as i step back and put it all in perspective i can see Gods hand in it, and i can hear a small faint whisper among the craziness of my life telling me to slow down and stop worrying about whats going on - that he has got it all under control.

ps. if anyone wants an in depth research paper on 1st Peter 3:1-6 (wives in marriage) let me know and i can e-mail it to you when its done - which will hopefully be by 11:30 Monday morning!!

the bad, the good, the bad, the ugly, and the awesome!

Today was quite the interesting day. It started out poorly as i got up to go on a ridiculously long bike ride for a class and it was pouring out! So that was seriously unpleasant, until just before 8 o'clock ( we were to leave at 8:30) when i received an e-mail that we would not be riding bikes through down town, we would be taking vans. Yay! no getting wet, no spending hours in the rain, so at this point my day was looking awesome!

So at about 8:20 i arrive at the meeting place, and slowly the others in the class trickle in. Then the vans show up, yippee! Until we realize that there are 11 seats in each van including the drivers seat, so 11 seats per van times two van equals 22 seats... there are 26 people who need to fit into the vans. So, being that i was not super eager to just jump into a van i ended up in the very back - trunkish area - of the van, on the floor... so after a while of riding i began to get very car sick. Finally after about 5 or 6 stops we end up downtown at the final place of our tour! Yahoo!

Wait, wait... nope, not yahoo

We were then split into groups of three or four, given a packet of paper and told to do this wonderful scavenger hunt, all throughout downtown... Outside. It was still raining... hard! So after an hour of running around all downtown look for different places and taking pictures and running around in the rain, we meet the rest of the group in the lobby of a hotel... dripping wet

literally, there was water dripping out of my sweater!!

So we sit down to talk about our tours around the city and add up all our points from the scavenger hunt. I sat with my group doing the math of how many points we had gotten - We got 750 points! i was pumped thinking that we had hauled butt and gotten so many different places and with all those points we were sure to win and be free from writing the reflection paper!

The prof then says "does anyone have 750 points of more?" me and my group are sitting there feeling confident that we have won! but then another group calls out that they have 775 points! They had beaten us by 25 points, which was one item on the list! they beat us by one! so not only were we wet, but we still have to write a reflection paper!

So after returning to campus, changing into warm dry clothes and going and getting lunch (oh did i forget to mention that i failed to eat breakfast before we left, and then i returned to campus at 12:45) i sat down at my computer to do homework. (which since i'm writing on here, you can tell that i'm failing at the homework side of things) I sat down and made an outline for my paper and got most of my sources put into my sources list on my computer, and then (due to my raging headache from being wet and not eating enough protein) i decided to take a break and watch a show from hulu.

While watching the show i decided i should be semi productive and look into what i needed to do to prep for doing my registry for the wedding!! So exciting i know!! so i go to the websites and find that it is so easy and i can do it all online! Yay so after that i spent the rest of my evening looking at things that i'm going to need for the house and doing all that fun stuff...

So all in all, i think at the end of the day it was pretty OK. Bad morning but it went up from there. I cant help but get excited about what is going to come in the next few weeks leading up to the wedding!

The crazy beginning

So this is my first blog post in a very long time, i do believe that as of right now there is no one reading this blog but i'm ok with that. I must give credit where credit is due and say that this new blog is thanks to an inspiration from another blog - Jamie the very worst missionary - in that i read hers and cant help but love the honesty and think about all the things that i want to say and then don't. so maybe that'll change a bit here.

So i'm getting married in less than four months to an amazing man! and as excited about that as i am it also scares the crapola out of me too! There are so many things to plan and to think about and thats just for the wedding, not including all the stuff to do afterwards, the changing my name on everything. the taxes and the moving in together. there is so much to do and sometimes it see all too overwhelming.

I'm trying to finish my last two weeks of school... pick up a bunch more hours at work and plan a wedding! there are days when i just want to sit down and cry (and sometimes i do) because there is so much going on and i feel pulled in every direction. There are days when i think that i'm going to completely fall apart because there it something pulling each of my limbs in a different direction and its about to be too much!

There are days where it is just too much. sometimes i dont know how to handle it. It makes me crazy and then i do stupid things that end poorly.

Sigh... so i'm hoping that in 3 weeks once classes are done for the summer that all of this calms down, and maybe gets a little easier to handle.